“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” –Maya Angelou
On this Valentine’s Day, you may be celebrating or you may be experiencing bittersweet, and possibly painful, memories of what ‘used to be’ on Valentine’s Day. I have been the giver and receiver of red roses, chocolates, and dinners, and I have fond memories of how special all of it was. And while we each have our own definition of love and ways of expressing it to those around us, I would like to share my thoughts about love through my journey with Alzheimer’s disease.
Love extends beyond the memories contained in one’s mind. Love comes from the heart and it is the most powerful tool of communication. However, when faced with a disease that robs our loved ones of their memories, thoughts, and the ability to verbally communicate, it is easy to be consumed with what is lost. We may find that we are quick to anger and lose patience, but this comes as a result of getting caught up in the shadows of fear. Make a point to let the light of love into each day. You may be surprised at the gifts that will come from the love you share.
Make a conscious effort to communicate love through the simplest of ways. A hug each day…saying “I love you”…providing a warm touch to their face…a kiss on the cheek…holding their hand…giving them a piece of their favorite candy or dessert…looking through pictures…just being with them. It may sound simple, but these small acts of love and connection can provide your loved one with a familiar assurance in a world that is ever-changing and frightening to them.
By showing love each day, you may be surprised to find your loved one with Alzheimer’s/dementia, demonstrate love back to you. At the end of Gayle’s life, when she could no longer verbally communicate, she would put her forehead against mine and close her eyes. What a message of love she conveyed to me in that simple gesture.
In twenty-five years of love and friendship with Gayle, I learned the true meaning of unconditional love and acceptance. We had no idea that our journey would take us through three cancers and early onset Alzheimer’s disease, but one of my greatest gifts in those 25 years came at the end of Gayle’s life. She had been unconscious for two days so we were surprised when she woke up. I talked with her that day and thanked her for sharing her life with me. She began talking, but her words were all jumbled, as they had been for a long time. All of a sudden, she looked right at me and said these words plain and clear…”I love you and you love me”. I thought my heart would burst. Those were the last words she ever spoke.
“Through the heart, we exercise the greatest power of the heart – the power of love.” –Baptist de Pepe